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In today’s dating world, we find ourselves sifting through a variety of people and experiencing all sorts of relationships with the goal of finding the person we can’t live without.
But when searching for a life partner, it’s important to ask yourself the following questions FIRST. Then, as you screen potential loves and move through the selection process, your answers to these questions will help you get to know your dates.
You can then make a wise choice based on true love and real friendship:
1. How important is it for your spouse to be your best friend? (And, what does being a good friend look like to you?
2. What does “love” mean to you?
3. What are the top five items on your bucket list?
4. Is it important to have a balance between giving and taking in the marriage?
5. How important is it for you to be able to express your true feelings to your partner?
6. When is it OK (and not OK) to express sadness, anger or fear to one another?
7. How important is it to you to feel affirmed (supported, valued, accepted, challenged) within the relationship?
8. How important is it to share honestly and openly? (Where does truthfulness rank in your relationship values?)
9. Is it OK to feel jealous or resentful if one of you becomes close with other people? (How would you prefer you and your partner express those feelings?)
10. What does “quality time” mean to you and how much of it do you need to feel happy in the marriage?
11. What is the greatest gift you’ve ever received? And what is the best gift you have to give?
12. When are electronic devices prohibited and how much social media sharing about you and your relationship is OK?
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13. How important is trust and privacy? (What happens if your trust is betrayed?)
14. What’s the role of emotional intimacy? How much sharing is enough? How much is too much?
15. What does monogamy mean to you? Commitment? Fidelity?
16. What role does “adventure” play in the relationship? Spontaneity? Surprises?
17. What interests or activities do you wish to share with your spouse?
18. How important is it for you to be able to rely on your partner?
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19. How important is affection and non-sexual touch i.e., cuddling, kissing, holding hands, hugs, back rubs?
20. How important is romance? What are expressions of love and romance for you?
21. If one of you acquires more money or a higher status than the other, how would that affect your relationship?
22. How important is it to agree about spiritual matters and religion? (What spiritual practices do you wish to share with your spouse?)
23. How important is it for you to agree about politics?
24. How important is it for you to have the same philosophy of family life or parenting?
25. How many children would you like? What values do you want to instill in them?
26. What hopes and dreams would you like your spouse to fulfill for you?
27. What life goals would you like your spouse to support you in?
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28. How important is it to agree on the same philosophy of money management? Life-style?
29. How important is sexual intimacy and how often do you wish to engage sexually in order to be happy?
30. How important is it to forge intellectual, spiritual and emotional connections before engaging sexually? (Do you wish to wait for a commitment or marriage?)
Jianny Adamo, LMHC, founder of Fearless Love Coaching and Counseling supports singles and couples breaking through fears and limitations to create safe and intimate marriages and relationships. Skype and phone consultations available. Jianny is currently writing her book Love Trauma: Recovering from Psychopathic, Narcissistic and Sexual Abuse. 561-450-5580. www.fearlesslove.net. @Facebook.
This article originally appeared on YourTango.