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Every week, we give our readers a glimpse inside the mindset of a guy’s brain on weddings with the help of the hilarious and smart editors at The Plunge.
Let us put it to you plainly: Don’t worry about strippers at our bachelor party.
Men hire strippers for two reasons. The first is obvious — we like to have beautiful naked women sitting in our laps. The second is more subtle, but just as important. We hire strippers to bond with other men.
That might seem counter-intuitive, but think about it: If we wanted to have sex with a strange woman, would we really invite our friends, cousins, siblings, parents and future in-laws to watch?
You know the phrase “bros before hoes?” Sure, it’s juvenile and offensive, but it does get at an essential truth about guys: we like to feel connected to our fellow men. Aside from war, golf, and Fight Club (which obviously we can’t talk about), the most intense form of male bonding is bragging about women. Telling crazy stories, making shit up, and generally lying through out teeth — these are all ways we establish our connection to other guys.
Getting married, however, is the ultimate refutation of “bros before hoes.” We’re setting aside our “bros” and acknowledging you as the most important person in our life. (Sorry, that makes it sound like you’re the “hoes” in this example — you’re not, it’s just such a good rhyme). The bachelor party is a final dip in the pool of idealized singledom, a farewell to a lifestyle we probably gave up years ago (if we ever really led it at all).
See More: Should You Be Worried About Wedding Hook-Ups? THIS is What Your Groom is Telling His Friends
The image of the crazy, sex-drenched bachelor party is a powerful one, but the reality is a usually more prosaic. As pointed out in this article and this article — both written by women who’ve worked a lot of bachelor parties — for the most part guys just want to get drunk and hang out. The strippers are only there for an hour or so and they most definitely don’t want to sleep with the groom or any of the guests. They aren’t sexual adventurers, they’re just professional entertainers trying to make a living. They’ve done this hundreds of times. Your fiancé is the man of your dreams, not theirs. To them, he’s just another guy handcuffed to a chair with his shirt off, about to be humiliated in front of his friends and family.
What about the worst case scenario, the one in which your fiancé has sex with one of the strippers? No doubt that does happen sometimes. But here’s the thing: A bachelor party is not going to make your man cheat on you if he isn’t already prepared to do so. If you’re worried about his behavior now, you should really be worried about his behavior later.