Once the last toast is made, the last song is played, and the after party has come to a close, your wedding day is over. Luckily, the memories are for a lifetime. While not many pieces of your wedding day can be physically preserved, it’s important to hold on to what can — and in the highest quality way possible. We’ve rounded up our favorite New Jersey spots to professionally clean and preserve your one-of-a-kind wedding gown, to ensure its safekeeping for whatever may come its way in the future.

Hallak Cleaners (Hackensack)
This NJ location of “The Couture Cleaner” intends to help you keep your wedding gown forever. For over 50 years, this business has specialized in cleaning and preserving both couture and wedding gowns, with a special focus on cleaning the gown prior to preservation — which essentially means proper storage. Using acid free tissue paper and preservation boxes fit for the finest museums, at the culmination of the process you will be comforted with a lifetime guarantee from both the cleaner and the Association of Wedding Gown Specialists. How’s that for peace of mind when it comes to possibly the most expensive garment you’ll ever buy? Read real brides’ reviews here!

Dress 2 Impress (Linwood)
Offering a selection of high quality gowns and formalwear, this Linwood, New Jersey boutique offers preservation services through their partnership wiht the Wedding Gown Preservation Company, known throughout the US as a quality provider of gown care and safeguarding. Since 1913, this third-generation family-owned business has been using their own original formula with cleaning methods acknowledged by the International Fabric Institute as the “best” in the industry. Dress 2 Impress can easily be your one-stop-shop for gown shopping AND saving as you preserve your cherished memory for years to come. Read real brides’ reviews here!

See More: Roses or Peonies? Discuss All Your Bouquet Q’s with New Jersey’s Top Wedding Florists

Moline Kronberg Dry Cleaners (Montclair)
Proud member of the Association of Bridal Consultants and the Association of Wedding Gown Specialists, Moline Kronberg Dry Cleaners takes great care in preparing and preserving your beloved bridal attire. As part of the initial process, all gowns receive a full analysis and all stains are removed, with all finishing completed by hand. The gown is then preserved using world-renowned restoration and cleansing methods to ensure your it is in perfect condition. Read real brides’ reviews here!

Susanna’s Bridal and Evening Boutique (Hoboken)
The hands-on owner of this hidden gem is actually a master designer from Europe who has over 40 years of experience under her (perfectly tailored) belt. Specializing in bridal alterations, tailoring, and gown cleaning/preservation, Susanna personally oversees the cleaning and preservation of your most cherished wedding day item. (Other than your husband, of course!) When you first bring your gown to Susanna you’ll undergo a brief consultation, and then your dress will be sent out to be professionally cleaned. Once it returns to her store, you will have the opportunity to inspect the cleaning work before it is sent off for preservation for decades to come.

Still searching for that perfect dress? Check out these New Jersey wedding dress boutiques!

The controversial practice of juice cleansing is back in the news. A report from the New York Times debunks the main myth bolstering the juicing craze: that it can somehow “detoxify” your body. Although juice can be healthy depending on how you make (or buy) it, the Times consulted doctors who largely agree that juice can’t rid your body of toxins.

It’s not that toxins aren’t real, the Times explains. They are, and they can be pretty bad for your health. Think: cigarette smoke, air pollution, and some food additives. The misapprehension is the idea that juice has mystical detoxifying powers. It doesn’t. The body is built to filter out toxins on its own, with or without juice’s help. (We addressed this in a story on detoxing last month.) Your liver filters toxins from the blood, while your kidneys and intestines have the very important task of removing waste from your body via urine and stool. Instead of helping out with the process, restrictive juice cleanses can actually hurt it. If you’re replacing too much food with juice, you might be skimping on essential nutrients your body needs to perform this job as well as possible.

Juices aren’t only lacking on the detoxification front. While some juices can be nutritionally rich, many don’t have enough fiber, an especially important nutrient when it comes to satiety. It’s usually in the skin of fruits and vegetables, so when juice is made from produce’s pulp, you may find yourself hungry again in no time. And what many juices are missing in fiber, they overcompensate for with sweetness. Even if juice is green, it can have a ton more fruit than you realize, turning it into a sugar bomb of sorts. That’s not to say fruit’s unhealthy, or that you have to cut high-sugar fruits from your diet. But without fiber, too much fruit at once can throw your blood sugar levels out of whack.

It’s easy to understand the temptation of juicing. Maybe you’re feeling lethargic because you’ve had a lot of processed food lately, or maybe you’re just itching to feel extra-healthy. Wanting to fuel your body better is great, but juicing usually isn’t the way to do it. Instead, load up on fruits and vegetables in their whole forms, or throw them into a smoothie — skin intact when appropriate — so you can reap the maximum benefits.

See More:
Here’s How Many Calories You Should Be Eating For Weight Loss
How To Eat Whatever You Want Without Gaining Weight
8 Things You Need To Know About Your Metabolism If You Want To Lose Weight

Château weddings aren’t reserved just for royalty in France. Live out your very own fairytale moment by throwing the destination wedding of the decade in one of these five wine regions scattered around France. From garden parties surrounded by medieval ruins to hot air balloon rides over vineyards come sunset, these jaw-dropping French vineyard wedding locations are some of the dreamiest spots to say “oui” in a country that knows a thing or two about romance.

Bordeaux
Say “I do” with sweeping views of the Dordogne River from Château Soulac in Bordeaux, just 30 minutes outside the postcard-perfect town of Saint-Émilion (another wine hotspot). Originally a monastery and chapel in the 14th century, the present-day fortified chateau dates back to the 17th century and looks just as regal as it did during Renaissance times. Picture four corner towers and a grand entryway, plus stone wall candlelit rooms that make for the most romantic of receptions.

Champagne
Once upon a time a castle nestled in the heart of Champagne’s woods, all that remains of the 13th century château is a portion of its wing that’s been restored and transformed into the 29-room Château de Fère Hôtel & Spa. For brides going for a fairytale feel, it can’t get more magical than a cocktail soirées spread amongst the ancient ruins and fireworks over the castle come nightfall. Want to make a grand exit? Hop on a hot air balloon with your new hubby and float into the French skyline for the ultimate getaway “car.”

Bergerac
Set along Bergerac’s wine route in the Dordogne region, the 17th century Château les Merles is a modern day version of Beauty and the Beast. The boutique hotel is home to 15 rooms and four villas accommodating up to 58, meaning your guests coming with children will have plenty of space to spread out during the wedding weekend. When the big day finally arrives, celebrate in French style with a glass of Champagne in the garden and four-course gastronomic dinner with local produce and wine pairings from the seven Bergerac regions.

Provence
Not far from the vineyards of Provence, five-star Baumanière les Baux-de-Provence offers a luxurious setting underneath the natural beauty of the perched Baux-de-Provence village. Transform the terrace into your very own garden party with seating for anywhere from 30 to 100 guests — plus a menu so spectacular the restaurant has garnered two Michelin stars. Of course wine here is already covered, with over 60,000 bottles sitting in the cellar. Surprise your guests and book a class in the tasting room, working your way through some of France’s finest vintages by Château Lafitte and Rothschild.

See More: This Parisian Pair Hosted Not One But Two Impeccably Chic Celebrations in France

Beaujolais
Bordeaux may get all the glory, but the fruity red wine region of Beaujolais is home to mansions just as magnificent. Host the rustic chic wedding you’ve always dreamed of at Le Domaine de Vavril, an 18th century manor with nine bedrooms that can sleep up to 12 friends and family (plus 15 kids over in the grape pickers side house). While sleeping arrangements here are cozy, you can still throw a wedding on the larger side in the ballroom, with a seated dinner for up to 150.

Who said that love at first sight is only the stuff of fairytales? Yalonda and Kayla Solseng took that happily ever after dream right out of the pages of a storybook and into IRL — princess dresses, glass slippers, and all! For their engagement photos back in June, Yalonda and Kayla donned Disney princess dresses for a fairytale-inspired shoot, putting their own spin on the storybook tales.

Once upon a time, two lovely ladies bonded over their love of the ABC hit Once Upon a Time and fell head-over-heels in love. “That show rewrites fairytales and this was our modern-day fairytale,” Kayla explained to The Huffington Post. That fairytale began two and a half years ago, when Yalonda and Kayla met on Plenty of Fish. “Our connection was like none other,” Kayla said. After the pair first met in person in March of 2014, they became instantly inseparable. “We couldn’t get enough of each other!” she continued.

After nine months of dating, Yalonda proposed with a custom storybook that she had written and illustrated, depicting their own love story. “At the end I asked Kayla, ‘Will you be my happily ever after?'” remembers Yalonda. And what’s a happily ever without some princess ballgowns?

After writing their own fairytale, this couple put a modern-day spin on two of the classics, dressing up as Belle from Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella for their engagement shoot with photographer Taylor Snyder. The couple headed to Minnesota’s Romantic Moon Events Center in their gorgeous gowns, where they lived out their fairytale fantasy, frolicking in the fields.

See More: This Guy Came Up With The Most Incredible Disney Proposal to End All Proposals

Their fairytale came full circle when Yalonda and Kayla tied the knot earlier this month at the same romantic outdoor venue. The coolest part of this love story? The brides hope that it inspires other LGBT couples to live out their own version of happily ever after, too. “Kids want to be the characters they grow up with but when none of the characters represent you, then you feel alone,” said Yalonda. “I want our photos to be shown to kids and families as a way of saying it’s okay to be who you are. It’s okay to be with the person you love.”

When Philip Cotty and Andrew Partington first met in February of 2008, romance wasn’t meant to be. But by late summer of that same year, the two knew they had found something special, and on September 10 they became an official couple. Six years later, while on vacation in Fire Island the week before Andrew’s 30th birthday, Phil popped the question on his favorite day: June 21, the longest day of the year. “The rest of the weekend turned into one long beach engagement party with friends,” Phil says.

After seven years together, both Philip and Andrew knew they wanted an unpretentious wedding surrounded by friends and family. They spent months hunting for a venue on Fire Island, but when the logistics of getting their guests there proved challenging, they chose New York City’s Sunset Terrace at Chelsea Piers, an indoor-outdoor space with front-row seats to the Hudson River sunset — and the supermoon eclipse happening on September 27, 2015. But that didn’t mean the couple abandoned their beachy aesthetic all together. “We didn’t want the wedding to feel themed, but we stilled wanted to include bits of Fire Island,” Andrew says. Read on to see how they added ocean-inspired elements to their big city bash, as captured by Agaton Strom.

Great fashion was important for Phil and Andrew. “We didn’t want to be matchy matchy, but rather wanted to stand out on our own,” Phil says. “We didn’t want to be over the top.” As a model manager, Andrew admits he has an obvious love of clothes, and was able to pull his wedding day attire from his own closet. That’s right, he already owned this incredible Saint Laurent tuxedo, which features black lapels on a midnight blue jacket. “After Phil asked me to marry him, I immediately thought about what I would wear, and I thought that tux could be the perfect piece,” Andrew says. “It’s just a little left of super traditional, but still super classic.”

With Andrew’s look locked in, the grooms turned their attention to finding a unique tuxedo for Phil to wear. They found a similar black jacket with midnight blue lapels (the perfect opposite of Andrew’s attire!) at the Calvin Klein Collection store and never looked back. “Andrew is very conscious about his style and about what is a good piece of clothing,” Phil says. “We like to buy things that are long-lived. When we’re looking at spending real money, we want things that are high quality.”

Both men finished their looks with bow ties and Lanvin patent leather shoes.

Before the ceremony, the couple hit the city streets with their photographer and adorable French bulldog, Bowser.

Guests gathered at the Sunset Terrace and watched as the couple’s adorable ring bearer, Jack, and flower girl, Addison, made their way down the aisle. Jack was especially careful about guarding the two Cartier ring boxes. “Fun fact,” Andrew says, “I dragged Phil to Cartier about two or three years before we even got engaged, just to try on the trinity bands, which I had decided would be the perfect wedding band. It was a not-so-subtle hint!”

With views of the Hudson River behind them, the two exchanged vows in a ceremony officiated by Phil’s cousin that began with a quote from Edward Kennedy’s opinion in the Obergefell v. Hodges decision. It read: “No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice and family. In forming a union, two people become something greater than once they were.”

While the couple exchanged rings, Phil surprised everyone (including Andrew!) by singing “Widmung” by Robert Schumann, accompanied by a live harpist.

Everyone enjoyed cocktails in an adjoining room before finding their seating assignments at tables named for Phil and Andrew’s favorite beach walks (Fire Island-speak for boardwalk “roads” lined with summer homes) just as the sun began to set. “There’s nothing like the views of the Hudson River at sunset, so we timed the reception precisely for guests to enter and be able to get as many personal pictures with perfect light and amazing views,” Phil says.

The duo wanted to keep their centerpieces simple and easy to enjoy, so Andrew, who has a background in the floral industry, decided to DIY them himself. He filled stained wooden boxes with a mix of different grasses succulents, a nod to the landscape around Fire Island.

After dinner, the couple cut into their red-velvet and banana wedding cake (the grooms’ favorites!).

As the Sunday-evening dancing and dining wound down, guests headed out onto the property’s deck to watch the serendipitous lunar event — one that hadn’t happened in more than 30 years! — before calling it a night. “I’m a bit of an astronomy nerd, so when we heard about the supermoon, I felt like we were getting nature’s firework show for free,” says Phil. Adds Andrew, “I find when people look into the sky, they reflect, so it was a nice moment to consider why we were there.”

Ceremony & Reception Venue: The Sunset Terrace at Chelsea Piers || Phil’s Attire: Calvin Klein Collection || Andrew’s Attire: Saint Laurent || Invitations & Stationery: Wedding Paper Divas || Catering: Neuman’s Kitchen || Cake: Billy’s Bakery || Music: Kristi Shade; DJ Lina Bradford || Photographer: Agaton Strom

Want more inspiration just like this? Then watch another couple’s New York City wedding video below.

Once you’ve got an engagement ring on your finger, you might never want to take it off. And while that’s a great idea when you’re out around town, you might be nervous about bringing it with you on your honeymoon, especially if you’re traveling internationally. Should you listen to your fears and leave your ring at home, or can you not even imagine celebrating your marriage without such an important symbol on your finger? We turned to the experts for a few things to keep in mind when deciding if you’ll wear your engagement ring on your honeymoon.

Deciding whether or not to bring your engagement ring on your honeymoon requires a little proper planning before you head to the airport. We spoke to James Allen and Michele Sigler, the co-founders and husband-and-wife team behind James Allen to get insight from jewelry pros on what to consider before you take off. Here are four tips they say every bride should keep in mind when traveling with her engagement ring.

Insure Your Ring
If you didn’t get jewelry insurance right when your engagement ring was purchased, make sure to do so before heading on a trip. It’s better to be safe than sorry in case anything happens! You should also head to the jeweler to have your ring serviced and inspected. This way any loose stones can be caught and repaired before they have a chance to fall out of the setting.

Wear Your Ring Strategically
If you do bring your ring with you, know when to wear it — and when to take it off. If you’re heading out for an active excursion like a hike or SCUBA trip, you’re better off leaving your ring in your hotel room so you don’t damage your ring during strenuous activity. Going to the beach? Sand and sunscreen can cause grime to build up on the stone and inside the setting, so at a minimum you should tuck your ring into your bag when you’re lathering up.

See more: 4 Things You Can Do If You Lose Your Wedding Ring

Lock It Up
Whether you’re leaving it behind during an afternoon activity, heading to the spa, or just going to sleep, be sure to store your ring in the safe in your hotel room any time you aren’t wearing it.

Rock Your Wedding Band
Not comfortable bringing your engagement ring with you? Totally understandable! You can still wear your wedding band even if you decide to leave your engagement ring at home. It still says “I’m married!” without risking your more expensive engagement ring.

Despite a slew of cheating rumors and allegations and not-so-lovey-dovey headlines, Real Housewives of New York star Luann de Lesseps is continuing her bridal journey to the altar. The Countess is set to wed New York businessman Tom D’agostino in a New Year’s Eve wedding this year, so the Bravo reality star is making the same moves any other famous bride-to-be would — an epic bridal shower plastered all over social media, to be precise.

Based off our Instagram sleuthing, it appears that de Lesseps, 51, celebrated her upcoming nuptials with a wild bridal shower (although it looks wayyyyy more like a bachelorette party, to our expert eyes) Wednesday night in New York City. It looks like fellow Real Housewives of New York stars Sonja Morgan and Dorinda Medley were in attendance, as well as de Lesseps’ daughter, Victoria, and her niece, Nicole Nadeau. Fingers crossed this bridal shower turns up as a scene in the new season!

In the photos (see below), de Lesseps — who has gone through the very public ringer when it comes to her relationship with her fiancé (he was recently outed for cheating on her during this past season of RHONY) — is seen wearing a floor-length blush gown, complete with a lace-embellished, halter-top bodice and a belt connecting a shiny satin, pleated skirt.

The reality star is without her usual statement necklace, but she is wearing a “Bride-to-Be” tiara to finish the look. In some photos, the mother of two is wearing a pink “Bride-to-Be” sash across her ensemble. It appears that some party guests also donned tiaras for the festive occasion.

The exact location of the event is still TBD — the guests geotagged the bridal shower location as “Central Park”, so we have to assume the shower took place at famed Central Park restaurant Tavern on the Green, The Loeb Boathouse or one of the attendee’s uptown home.

If the photos didn’t do the party justice, Medley, who wore a beige sweater for the event, commented on one pic that another guest posted “The best night.” It certainly looks like it was.

#bridalshower @sonjatmorgan #girlfriends #fun ????

A photo posted by Countess Luann de Lesseps (@countessluann) on Sep 28, 2016 at 6:00pm PDT

Great girl time!

A photo posted by Kim Coulter (@kimcnyc) on Sep 29, 2016 at 8:56am PDT

Best Bridal Shower @countessluann ! Well done @zilia_sicre #luanndelesseps #bridalshower #girlpower #princess #rhony

A photo posted by Kim Heirston (@kimheirston) on Sep 29, 2016 at 8:54am PDT

Bridal Showerzzz ???????? @countessluann @dorindamedley #girlsnight #newyorkhousewives #bravo

A photo posted by Chloe Jane (@chloejanesworld) on Sep 29, 2016 at 4:09am PDT

D’Agostino and de Lesseps’ New Year’s Eve wedding will take place in Palm Beach, Florida with about 250 friends and family in attendance. While the reality star was previously married (to Count Alexandre de Lesseps from 1993 to 2009), this will be her first wedding celebration in which she’ll wear a wedding dress — something which totally thrills her. “I’m most excited to celebrate, to celebrate our life together,” she shared with the magazine. “I’m most excited to have all our friends together. And I’m excited to walk down the aisle, I’ve never done it, I eloped. So I never have been married in a traditional way so I’m excited to be a bride. That’s why I’m wearing a veil.”

See More: The 2017 Wedding Trends We are Totally Obsessing Over

Since she didn’t get to do it the first time, the Bravo star will wear not one, not two, but THREE wedding dresses (designed by famed bridal designer Randi Rahm, no less).

Tonight's the Night! Tune in at 7pm to @extratv to See the Gorgeous @countessluann at Our Atelier Trying on The Most Glamours and Elegant Gowns for her Wedding! WHICH WILL SHE CHOOSE!?! ???? #rhony #luanndelesseps #bravo #weddingbells #bridal #randirahm #couture #fashion #elegance #glamour #style #grace #bridaldesigner #chic #nyc #bravotv #extratv

A photo posted by Randi Rahm Studio (@randirahm) on Sep 7, 2016 at 3:48pm PDT

D’agostino popped the question in February with an 8-carat canary-yellow diamond engagement ring. “Thomas was planning on a Valentine’s Day proposal during their upcoming vacation in Vail, but couldn’t wait and presented an eight-carat canary yellow diamond ring before they got there,” a source shared with People. “LuAnn is over the moon in love with Thomas and considers him her soulmate and is so happy and grateful to have found love a second time.”

Here comes the bride, decidedly not dressed in white. Brides-to-be are taking a twirl in breathtaking alternatives to the white wedding dress, exchanging snow-hued frocks for pastel gowns in shades of blush, champagne, and mauve. Fresh, feminine, and totally romantic, these wedding dresses are dressed up in soft washes of color for a luxe look that stands out in a sea of white frocks. Heck, your wedding dress could even double as your ‘something blue! So are you ready break the mold and walk down the aisle all pretty in pastel? (You are a blushing bride, after all!)

Wedding dress designers have been coloring outside the lines for several seasons now, splashing the runways with tints of baby blue, pale pink, lovely lavender, and creamy ivory. And brides are swooning for the shades — including those of the celebrity set. Back in 2012, Jessica Biel stunned in a romantic petal-pink Giambattista Valli wedding dress for her wedding to Justin Timberlake. For her 2013 wedding to Ryan Sweeting (R.I.P. to that cute celebrity couple…), Kaley Cuoco was also pretty in pink in a custom Vera Wang wedding dress. Keira Knightley kept things short and sweet in 2013 when she wed James Righton in a knee-length Chanel frock in a pastel grey hue. And director Sofia Coppola looked absolutely whimsical in the lavender chiffon wedding dress she wore to marry Phoenix front-man Thomas Mars.

So sure, the paparazzi loves pastel, but so does the wedding photographer’s camera — so don’t let the celebs have all of the fun! Don’t be afraid to step away from the rack of white wedding dresses — and years of tradition — and head to the section of surprising shades of pastel. Need some inspiration? Browse below for some of the prettiest pastel wedding dresses.

Hand-embroidered and beaded tulle gown, price upon request, Naeem Khan; Earrings, Oscar de la Renta; Rings, Megan Thorne available at Greenwich Jewelers; Shoes, Sarah Flint

Tulle gown with handmade feather and tulle flowers, $6,995, Marchesa available at Harvey Nichols Dubai; Earrings, Stephen Russell, Bag, Marchesa available at AKH Group

Tulle gown with beaded bodice, price upon request, Hayley Paige available at JLM Couture

Gazar gown with beaded tulle bodice and flower-appliquéd showers, price upon request, Mira Zwillinger; Jacket, Ryan Roche

See More: Spring 2017 Wedding Dress Trends

Feathered gown, price upon request, Naeem Khan; Ring (left), Erica Courtney; Ring (right), Trumpet & Horn

Metallic organza gown and cape, price upon request, Peter Langner, Rings, Dior Fine Jewelry

Macramé, lace, and gazar gown with satin ribbon, $8,580, Angel Sanchez; Earrings, Liv Hart; Ring, Van Cleef & Arpels

Subscribe to BRIDES now for the best wedding dresses, advice, and big-day inspiration.

Even if you’ve had a pretty rough morning, chances are your morning isn’t as bad as a 18-year-old man from from Liuzhou, China — who got his wedding ring stuck on his penis for a casual TWO DAYS. Hey, if the ring fits…

The news came to light when the man called for help, and firefighters attempted to free his penis which was trapped in a wedding ring, according to The Daily Mail. The ring had been stuck on his penis for over 48 hours (serious ouch). Apparently, the poor guy couldn’t remove the ring at home because his penis had become too swollen. As it became more and more painful, he decided to finally call for help.

Once at the hospital, the ring had to be surgically removed with a very delicate operation (which someone filmed and put on Chinese social media — yikes). The entire time, the man had his hands over his face and looked to be in excruciating pain. We can only imagine the pain he was in — a situation most people wouldn’t wish on their worst enemy.

Thanks to the interwebs and virality of the video, many across the world have been responding to the situation with various questions, comments, and concerns. The most salient ones: “I want to know why the ring was there,” and “This man has nothing better to do? That’s laughable,” per a Chinese social media site called Weibo.

See More: Here’s Exactly What to Do if You Get Something Stuck in Your Vagina

We can’t lie, similar questions have arisen on our end. The key question being what was he doing with a wedding ring? Why there? Why now? Why ever? What’s his wife/husband saying right now? How could it possibly fit there? (Don’t answer that…) Regardless, here’s to hoping that this guy left the hospital unscathed, and more importantly learned a crucial lesson: Keep that wedding ring on your finger!

Husband left in agony after getting wedding ring stuck on his PENIS for two days… https://t.co/FlgyMAFojS pic.twitter.com/HssgH8N888

— The Sun (@TheSun) September 29, 2016

You’ve known your partner’s family for a while now. Love ’em or leave ’em, becoming a part of his or her family requires a different, more flexible and more patient mindset. For all the brides-to-be who are about to become daughter-in-laws, here are some tips and things to remember to seamlessly becoming a part of your new family.

1. You are a stranger in a strange land.
Think of your time with your new in-laws as if you’re traveling to a foreign country. His family’s traditions and customs will be different from your family’s. Have respect and remember that they’ve functioned perfectly well for generations their way. Don’t go in guns-blazing to try to make them more like yours.

2. They speak a foreign language.
You may all be speaking English, but as a newcomer, you can’t know the subtext of what’s going on in a conversation: the meaning, intent, and history behind the words spoken are unknown to you. Don’t assume you understand the deep meaning of your father-in-law’s “Hmmm, that’s interesting.”

3. They have different body language, too.
When your mom looks at you askance, you know exactly what she’s getting across. Your MIL? You haven’t a clue what her raised eyebrow means. Don’t assume it’s the same message as your mom’s raised eyebrow.

4. Let your spouse be your tour guide.
After a lifetime of living with them, your partner can read the situation, the mood, and the nuance far better than you’ll ever be able to. For example if your partner says, “Hey, let’s not push this point right now,” or if he or she lets you know that showing up even just 15 minutes late to dinner with your in-laws is not cool, take the advice and adjust your behavior. If you’re in doubt about what is going on, ask your partner to explain.

See More: The 3 Times Brides Should Definitely Listen to Mom During Wedding Planning

5. Let your partner take the lead.
It’s best to have your fiancé make the plans with your in-laws and lead the difficult or delicate conversations with his parents. Weekly phone calls to say hello can be a great way to encourage a relationship (and all you have to do is just pop on for a quick “hi”). Conversely, you can take the lead with your family, so that it feels equal and balanced.

Allison Moir-Smith is an author and bridal counselor who specializes in engagement anxiety and cold feet.