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Let’s be honest: “Stories about wild encounters and inappropriate behavior on the night of the bachelor and bachelorette party are as old — and cliched — as time,” says Amy Nichols, owner of Amy Nichols Special Events and cofounder of The Poppy Group. And as such, “every couple has some concerns about what might happen on these nights out.” But that doesn’t mean you have a reason to worry. In fact, here are five reasons you should sit back and relax when it comes to your partner’s party.
1. You’re marrying the guy (or gal) because you trust him.
Before you agreed to marry one another, you established a foundation of trust — a foundation that Nichols says you shouldn’t question now that these parties are nigh. “If your partner has a good head on his or shoulders and loves you to pieces, his or her feelings won’t go out the window just because it’s a bachelor or bachelorette party,” she says. Relationship expert April Masini adds that if you haven’t had problems with broken trust — a big red flag — in the past, it’s unlikely you will now.
2. You’ve set boundaries.
Before the big parties, it’s a good idea to set boundaries about what’s acceptable and what’s not, Masini says, so that neither partner will be surprised the next day. “Most problems occur when fears are not discussed or when there is a don’t ask, don’t tell policy,” she says. “But if you have an intimate relationship — and this is one way to gain intimacy — you can talk to your partner about what concerns you both, and make a pact to behave within certain boundaries.”
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3. The bachelor and bachelorette parties are a rite of passage — nothing more.
According to Nichols, these big nights (or weekends) out often mark the last crazy-fun friends-time you’ll have before you tie the knot. As such, “most partners have no intention of ever experiencing a night like this again,” she says, which means that whatever happens that night likely won’t become a regular Friday night occurrence. “They know it’s a one night only event and don’t plan to repeat it.”
4. You’ve planned laid-back events.
“If you and your partner are having chill bachelor and bachelorette parties where there’s a weekend at a spa with sea salt scrubs, or an evening at a Broadway show, you can relax,” says Masini. “This type of celebration isn’t about drinking, pole dancing, or strip clubs — and those are the events that tend to make people worry.”
5. Your partner didn’t plan it.
Not everyone is in on their own bachelor or bachelorette party plans. If you’ve allowed your friends to plan these big nights out, you and your partner could potentially be going in blind, says Nichols. And if so, you’re giving in to the evening your friends have planned. “That means that your partner is going to feel some pressure from his or her friends to relax and enjoy themselves,” explains Nichols. “But that does not mean he will do something he will regret.”