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While getting engaged and planning a wedding can be the most exciting time in your life, it can almost be the most stressful. And when couples don’t agree on one (or many!) topics surrounding wedding planning, it can be quite an intense time during the engagement period. The good news, however, is if you can get through this, you’ll get through anything. Here, six couples share their most common wedding fights — and how they solved them amicably.
1. Different Dreams for the Wedding Celebration
“He wanted to elope and I wanted a big party. So we compromised. We got married while in Hawaii on vacation, then a few months later had a huge blow-out for 100 people in a local restaurant.” —Peggy
2. Not Caring Enough About the Wedding
“For months and months I railed at him because he didn’t seem to care about any details of the wedding — how many people we had, who the photographer would be, what kind of flowers we had… I was infuriated. Finally his mother took me aside and said, ‘He feels the wedding is your day so he wants to defer.’ I went to him and said, ‘What I want is for you to have what you want as well. Is there anything you have a preference for, sweetheart?’ It turned out the one thing he really cared about was having his dog present at the ceremony. I said, ‘Sure’, and went back to planning every other detail.” —Kimmy
3. The Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties
“My issue was that Andy wanted a blowout bachelor party. I felt at 32 and 33 respectively we weren’t kids and there was no need for him to act like a college freshman at a frat party. But it was something he really wanted and it wasn’t fair of me to put the kibosh on his dream. So we compromised — he did the party 10 days before the wedding so he and his groomsmen could fully recover. He also texted me throughout the evening so that I wouldn’t worry. Even when he’s a little drunk, my guy is considerate.” —Tina
4. Budget
“I argued over not wanting to spend a huge amount (since he was paying for it all) and being truly content with settling on a backyard wedding. That felt appropriate since I am his second wife (his first passed away), even though I just got married this year at age 46 for the first time. He argued adamantly because he wanted me to have my dream wedding, insisting that I absolutely need and should have what I want. Who argues like that? I wanted what was best for him and he wanted me to have the same. We duked it out. He won. And he won my heart ten thousand times over. So the wedding became an exercise in letting myself be loved. The best gift a husband could ever give.” —Elizabeth
5. Religious versus Non-Religious Ceremony
“I wanted a civil service and he wanted a religious ceremony. This led into serious discussions that it was really important for us to have about what religion meant to each of us. I gave into the religious ceremony since he wanted it so much and he gave in on other matters that were more important to me. Our pre-marital argument was an invaluable primer in how to communicate.” —Sheila
6. The In-Laws
“His mother was a nightmare, threatening to take over everything. I held my tongue for months and acted out toward him passive aggressively. He finally said, ‘Hon, what is really going on? A ‘zilla has replaced my sweet Nancy.’ I admitted to him that his mom was driving me crazy but I didn’t feel it was my place to confront her. He did the deed, his mom quieted down, and I walked down the aisle more sure than ever that I had made the right choice in a life partner.” —Amy
Sherry Amatenstein, LCSW is a New York City-based marriage therapist and author.
See More: Fighting Over Wedding Plans? Here’s How to Deal